This isn't the time or place for me to publish an entire autobiography, but I'd like to share a few relevant facts which would help to explain the relationship between my life story, my new project The Christian Arts Initiative (of which the Artistic Rescue Project is one very important component) and the Artistic Rescue Project.
MY EARLY YEARS
There was almost never a time in my life when I wasn't involved with the church in one way or another. Thanks in part to the numerous hours I'd spent as a child, sitting in the front pew listening to my father's sermons, I already had some sense of the importance of morality by the time when I was in grade school. I should give him credit for that.
But there were already some serious discrepancies between my father's public professions of faith and the manner in which he lived life when he was not standing behind a pulpit.
To this day, even after his death in 1999, I still wonder how much of his preaching was a reflection of what he genuinely believed, and how much was an example of his skills in the art of mimicry. He was always very good at saying what he knew other people expected him to say. As a public speaker, he was skilled enough to easily impress the farmers and rural people who attended the small Methodist churches where he "served". I was also easily impressed, of course, since he was mostly the only "pastor" I'd ever had for any length of time, at that age. (Also, I was at an age when I was still inclined to want to admire him.)
But I also saw what he was like when he had let his guard down. I only rarely observed the fruit of the Spirit in his life. In fact, my father almost never discussed God when he was not in church, and his "prayer life" such as it was, mostly amounted to him saying grace at the dinner table. I can't honestly recall that he ever led or even participated in a family Bible study at home. I guess I should be grateful that he even did what he did, but in hindsight, it seems to me that one ought to be able to expect more from an alleged man of God. I also can't forget the way that he stood in opposition to my efforts to seek God later in my life, after I'd accepted Christ as lord and savior. (But I'm getting ahead of myself slightly.)
It also didn't help much that I often went to sleep while listening to loud verbal fights between my father and my mother. Their marriage was in trouble for years, before it finally ended in divorce.
I was therefore in serious need of emotional and spiritual rescue by the time I had reached the 8th grade. My grades in school were slipping badly. Ditto for my self-esteem and my relationships with my parents. (All of those things were closely connected.)
My growing anger was mostly repressed, so I never resorted to overt acts of rebellion, such as using illegal drugs, despite the fact that I knew a number of people of my age who did such things. About the worst thing I did was go into the woods a few times to smoke a few cigarettes with a kid who lived next door to us. (That didn't last long, by the way. I hated the way those cigarettes made me cough! To their credit, both of my parents discouraged me from smoking, so I never really developed an addiction, despite the fact that there was plenty of sidestream smoke to inhale, on account of the fact that my paternal grandmother and my paternal stepgrandfather were both heavy smokers who saw no reason to stop smoking whenever they visited our house.)
In many respects, I was what most folks would call a "good kid", even though my parents didn't appreciate that fact, judging by the way my father subsequently replaced me and my brother with two new kids when he married their mother after discarding ours.
The good news: Beyond all that I could have anticipated or predicted, his second wife later left him, and she came to apologize to me, my mother and my brother for breaking up our home. Even better, the younger of the two stepbrothers (Jeff) later gave his heart to Christ, and he seems in the intervening years to have grown spiritually, even to the point that his passion for Jesus seems to have surpassed my own!
But that was yet to come. Even before Jeff and his mother and older brother had come into my life, my life was on a downward trajectory, and worse things would very likely have been in my near future, if I had not experienced a turnaround.
Paradoxically, I sometimes experienced moments of intense happiness during those years (thanks in large part to the success I experienced in relation to my growing skills as a pianist, after beginning classical piano studies at the age of ten); but my life had become very unstable, on account of the bullies with whom I had to deal regularly at school, and on account of my volatile father's propensity for physical abuse. (I sometimes wonder if the school bullies didn't target me partially because they sensed my emotional vulnerability on account of that abuse.)
It seemed as if the word "discipline" was synonymous in my father's mind with hitting me with his belt, even as punishment for pseudo-offenses such as "talking back" to my mother, which apparently meant that if she said hateful things to me, which she sometimes did, I was not allowed to remonstrate. To this day, I hate it when people disrespectfully try to tell me how or when to communicate my thoughts with others. Maybe that's why I like the freedom of blogging so much! It may also be why my letters and e-mail messages are sometimes a bit verbose, according to some people's arbitrary standards.
When I was in the 8th grade (while I was still experiencing severe academic problems, due in part to my propensity for procrastination), things began to take a turn for the better in my life, after our church held an event known in the Methodist church as a "lay witness mission". (This link will take you to an article about the history of that series of events, now in its 50th year in the United Methodist church.) I think it's very telling that I learned more about the gospel during that one weekend than I ever learned from any pastor in the Methodist or United Methodist church.
During that event, a young woman who was staying with my family shared her testimony during a meeting at our church, and she handed out copies of a gospel tract entitled "The Four Spiritual Laws". It hardly captured the depth of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but it touched on the basic elements, enough for me to realize that I hadn't previously heard the basic salvation message, despite my upbringing in the church.
One problem with the practice of infant baptism, I realized, was that Methodists just tended to assume that if one attended church, and if one had been baptized as an infant, one was therefore a Christian, without the need to even hear a direct salvation message, much less make a public profession of faith. That may not always be the case for every United Methodist, I realize, and I'm certainly not saying that there are no true Christians in the United Methodist church; but I feel compelled to tell the truth nevertheless with regard to my own personal experience.
After attending the Lay Witness Mission, I belatedly realized that going to church (as I'd always done) did not necessarily mean that one was a true Christian. I needed to make a conscious decision to commit my life to Christ. So I did. There was a printed invitation at the end of the tract, and there was a place where one could sign one's name to indicate that one had accepted Jesus as lord and savior. In the privacy of my own bedroom, I signed the tract, in the belief that I was doing something very significant, and then I took it to show it to my mother. She was pretty indifferent at the time, but it was like the tiny beginning of something which would come to dominate my life (and eventually hers, as well) in many respects.
IN GRATEFUL MEMORY OF DAVID WILKERSON
Shortly after committing my life to Christ in 1969, I was exposed to a book, written by a minister named David Wilkerson. That book radically changed my life. The title was "The Cross and the Switchblade". It chronicled the beginnings of a groundbreaking ministry known as Teen Challenge.
As I read that book, I began to see that one of the signs of a heart which had truly been transformed by Jesus Christ was a love which was so intense that it could motivate a person to leave his or comfort zone in order to do whatever it took to help needy people. Love, I realized, takes risks. In my eyes, David Wilkerson was a hero who was far more worthy of emulation than the entertainers and athletes who were so frequently idolized by our modern culture. He wasn't a perfect man, but I believe that Dave was one of the most significant Christian leaders of the 20th century, because his good example was in many respects responsible for launching what later became known as the Jesus Movement.
Shortly after reading Wilkerson's book, through a series of events, I went to work as a volunteer (on the summer prior to my first year in high school) at a Teen Challenge center in St. Louis, MO, where my grandparents lived at that time. For a look at all of the current Teen Challenge centers (in the form of a list and a map), visit http://teenchallengeusa.com/locations/.
I was only there for a total of one month that summer, but it was the first time I'd even stayed anywhere away from home with people who were not family members, and in some respects, it was a new world for me. I saw people for whom Christianity was a lifestyle, not just a way to kill time once a week on Sunday mornings and during the occasional picnic or holiday event. Weekdays at Teen Challenge began with worship services, but things didn't end there. I met people who had what they called "a burden" for hurting people, wherever such people could be found. I thought that was weird. We didn't talk about having burdens for other people, in the Methodist church. (And maybe we should have.)
There were certain aspects of their worship services which were strange and foreign to me, particularly in terms of practices such as "speaking in tongues" and so forth. I didn't go there with any predisposition to favor that practice, but my attitudes slowly started to shift when I saw what appeared to be a connection between that practice and the admirable intensity of their faith. (If they had been like some of the Pentecostals and charismatics I've known in later years, I might have had second thoughts about my initial conclusions.)
Our "recreation" during that month at Teen Challenge consisted of doing things like visiting the ghettoes of St. Louis and standing on the street corners, singing Christian songs and preaching to passersby. Or we might go to the St. Louis zoo (a wonderful zoo with which I was already familiar), but instead of just watching the animals, we would approach strangers and give them gospel tracts and attempt to share the good news about Christ with them.
Moreover, I saw that the people with whom I was staying were doing their best to genuinely help those who were participating in the rehab program at Teen Challenge. There was nothing perfunctory about it. Helping people to overcome problems with addiction was motivated by their love for Jesus, and by the belief that nobody was expendable in the eyes of God.
It was that belief which began to fill me with a sense of hope. For several years, I'd begun to feel as if my parents' alleged love for me was anything but unconditional. It seemed to be conditioned on my performance as a student, and on the extent to which I was willing to remain silent in the face of treatment which I frankly felt was abusive.
God's love, it appeared to me, was different. The gospel was indeed good news. I learned that God loved me in spite of the fact that I didn't always measure up to everybody's expectations. That was liberating. The more liberation I experienced, in relation to other people's expectations, the more I cared about pleasing God. (Ironically, I also started to want to do well in school, and to achieve success in other ways which, I hoped, might make my parents justifiably proud of me.)
None of this is to say that I didn't want people's approval at all. I didn't stop being a fallible human being. Besides, some expectations were reasonable. I didn't have an objection to expectations, per se, as long as my inability to perfectly meet all expectations wasn't used as a rationalization for abdication of what I regarded as a universal parental obligation to love one's children equally and unconditionally.
I learned that pleasing God and seeking his kingdom was ultimately more important than being a people pleaser; and I learned through my readings of the scriptures that there were even some occasions when the best way to please God was to speak the unvarnished truth as I saw it, even if it meant that someone might take offense.
("Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." ... Galatians 1:10)
Consequently, I spoke boldly to my father, after learning that he'd betrayed my mother by committing adultery. The hypocrisy of that act was frankly appalling to me, and I said so to his face, even though the price I ultimately paid for my honesty was that he responded by refusing to keep an earlier promise to the effect that he would fund my college education if I could turn my grades around.
While some Christians have criticized me on account of the fact that I seemingly rebelled against my father's authority, my belief, both then and now, was that there were legitimate limits to a parent's right to demand absolute submission. (If that were not the case, a member of the so-called "family" known as the Mafia would have had the right to demand that his son kill a rival gang member; and even worse, to claim that God sanctioned that demand!. That's an example of what can be expected whenever people abuse and twist the scriptures.)
I didn't rebel against my father arbitrarily or for the sake of doing so. I still tried to be an obedient son, for the most part. But I cared enough about his spiritual health, and about the health of our family for that matter, to believe that my responsibility to speak the truth to my father outweighed any responsibility I might have with regard to his "authority" over me.
True authority is predicated on one's submission to God himself.. One cannot rationally expect other human beings to submit to one's authority if one is not likewise willing to submit to the ultimate authority of God.
CHRISTIANITY AND THE ARTS
The Teen Challenge experience, for me, was pivotal, and it shaped my life during the next four years after I'd returned to Springfield, MO. I got involved with the Jesus Movement (at a place they called the New Wine coffeehouse), and "Jesus music" was a significant part of that movement.
I began to aspire to go into the ministry, where I hoped to serve the Lord with my growing musical skills. Eventually, I would go on to develop skills in relation to other art forms as well; and in spite of a lot of obstacles and a few bad memories, I continued to want to use my musical skills as a means of serving God and (if possible) earning a living.
That was what led me to have a burden and a vision related to the use of the arts as a means of bringing about badly needed spiritual renewal in America and elsewhere. That vision, which I began to call the Christian Arts Initiative, began to grow exponentially, as I continued to see additional needs which needed to be addressed.
My understanding of what it meant to be a truly committed Christian, as I said earlier, was shaped by having seen that it was important to invest in the lives of others in practical and meaningful ways. So I saw that the arts could be very useful in terms of raising funds for philanthropic organizations and Christian ministries, particularly those which frequently struggled with the need for funding.
I could relate to that need, because I'd experienced my own serious financial shortages, partially on account of my father's abdication of his financial responsibilities toward me, and indeed, towards my mother and brother as well. (At one point, Dad had very hurtfully accused me of being a "leech", after I had asked for help with some badly needed dental expenses. As if parents had no responsibilities towards their children!)
In any event, you now have a basis for understanding the basic impulse which led me to conceive of the Artistic Rescue Project. As I see it, helping hurting people is as intrinsic to the Great Commission as the preaching of the gospel. The heresy which forces people to make a false choice between the "social gospel" and the "saving gospel" is harmful to the world and the church. If salvation doesn't compel us to treat all people as if their material needs matter, then it seems to me that our spiritual transformation is far from complete. That surely wasn't how Jesus treated people when he was here on earth.
ANGUISH
I was not naive when I embarked on this project. I knew, from my own personal experiences and from my study of church history, that the church was far from perfect; and I learned from additional personal experiences that a lot of contemporary church leaders saw themselves these days as obstructionists, not as facilitators who were called by God to use their abundant resources and their positions of authority for the purpose of doing good things in the world.
As I saw it, there were and are parallels between my own father's earlier abuse of his parental authority and similar abuses which had become common in churches throughout the nation. Such abuses were like a cancer eating away at the very heart of the nation. We Christians had lost a lot of credibility on account of our failure to manifest the kind of love I'd seen at Teen Challenge when I'd first become a Christian. It broke my heart. It still does.
I am coming to better understand David Wilkerson's message entitled "A Call To Anguish" (as seen at http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=DZGZ6GNX). I don't agree with every single things he says in that video, but I realize after seeing that video that what motivated Wilkerson to do the wonderful things he did was that he experienced godly anguish when he looked at the horrible things happening in New York City. When he contemplated the way in which so many churches had failed to reach out to such lonely and desparate young people, his heart cried out, "THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!" More importantly, he acted on that impulse, instead of allowing himself to become unured to the needs of others.
I understand Wilkerson's anguish, because I likewise experience anguish when I contemplate the failure or refusal of numerous church leaders to see and respond in a positive fashion to the crying needs which have motivated me to launch the Christian Arts Initiative and the Artistic Rescue Project. I am motivated by the very beliefs which (ostensibly) motivate such leaders. But I have to wonder whether or not they are being entirely candid about their own motives. Why they persist in treating me as if I am their enemy, when we are supposedly allies fighting a common enemy, is something I cannot understand.
THOUGHTS ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT
Where I differ from Wilkerson is that I don't see entertainment as the problem. I see it potentially as part of the solution. Ultimately, of course, true salvation is the solution, but art and entertainment can often be vehicles for transformative messages which people badly need to hear.
Most people consider that movies are a form of entertainment. Yet, I think that there were people who saw the movie about Wilkerson (starring Pat Boone and Erik Estrada) and who were moved by that movie (and the book on which it was based) and inspired to devote their lives to Christ, even to the point that they would go on to serve others as Wilkerson had done.
One could cite other movies which have made profound differences in people's lives."The Miracle Worker", for example, or "The Hiding Place", or "Amazing Grace". "Schindler's List" would be another example. Even the recent movie "Soul Surfer" moved me to tears, and I saw elements of Christian self-sacrifice in the remake of "True Grit".
The problem, then, is not entertainment, just as the problem is not art or music or literature per se. The problem is that we believers have often failed to invest in creating works of art and entertainment which elevate the spirit and inspire people to make the world a better place. We have allowed unbelievers to dominate the worlds of art and entertainment, and to cheapen those things with messages which are contrary to God's values.
As a general rule, I feel that the best way to combat spiritually injurious art and entertainment is not to practice repressive and often counterproductive censorship (although there may sometimes be a need to limit the kinds of entertainment to which impressionable children are exposed), but rather, to focus on supporting artists who choose to use their talents for good!
For more than 40 years, my attitude as a Christian had been shaped by sayings such as the following:
- Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.
- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
- It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
I can't change every person's attitude. All I can do is to pray that God does so. But I am determined to do the best I can do, for as long as I live on this earth, to communicate my vision with other Christian believers who might potentially help to turn this thing around, by joining in partnership with me to help to rescue people in need of rescue, using any resources which can be used without compromising or cheapening the gospel of Jesus Christ..
Rescue is needed on multiple levels. People whose lives have been devasted by losses caused by tornados and other natural disasters need to be rescued. People whose lives have been similarly devasted by our economic woes in this nation are in similar need of rescue. Our culture likewise needs rescue from the spiritual degradation which has been caused by the decline of morality in the worlds of arts and entertainment. The church, quite frankly, needs rescue from mediocrity, in relation to the arts and other aspects of our lives. Our families need rescue from the effects of years of spiritual neglect. Individuals everywhere need rescue from the effects of sin.
THE CURRENT SITUATION
Subsequent to moving here to Bellingham last November, I've attempted to network and fellowship with numerous fellow believers, in order to find allies who might help me to do what I firmly believe God has called me to do.
I wish I could say that I am encouraged by the responses I have received whenever I have presented my ideas to such fellow Christians. But I am not. These days, it seems to me that most pastors and Christian leaders would rather be obstructionists than to be facilitators. They would rather make lame excuses for failing to do good (and even in some cases for refusing to hear my ideas), instead of doing good. They would rather pick nits and find fault and play mind games and fight with other Christians (including myself) than win the battle with Satan, who is our only real enemy.
Such people would rather make lists of all the things their ministries can't and won't do, instead of settling for nothing less than doing whatever they need to do to meet existing needs, without any preconceptions or barriers. Whatever happened to the belief that with Christ, all things are possible? I'm tired of all the negativity from so-called spiritual leaders. I'm tired of such leaders saying one thing from the pulpit and then saying something entirely different once they are no longer in that pulpit. Is a little bit of integrity too much to hope for? And if it is, then why should we Christians be surprised when our overall influence on the world seems to be waning? (If you don't realize that that's the case, pastors, then I strongly suggest that you take a peek out of your own front doors and windows every once in a while, in order to experience a badly needed reality check.)
I'm not saying that existing ministries don't still do good things sometimes, but the status quo is demonstrably not enough, because if it were enough, there would be no unmet needs in the body of Christ. Unmet needs are unacceptable. Period! If and when all the needs are met, that will be when we can afford to slack off. Not until then.
Just as David Wilkerson experienced anguish when he contemplated the church's failure to reach out to gang members in New York, I similiarly experience anguish when I contemplate the numerous unmet needs in our communities, and when I consider the manner in which church "leaders" have obstinately closed their minds to ideas which might meet those needs in ways which would honor Christ and help them to expand the influence of their own churches at the same time.
God loves us, regardless of the quality of our performance as Christians, but he will also hold us accountable, when Christ returns, for whether or not we have fulfilled our moral responsibilities. That's particularly true with regard to those who are privileged to be put into positions of authority in the church. Such positions should be regarded as stewardships, not blank checks for people to do whatever the feel like doing (or more to the point, not doing) in the name of Christ.
Ultimately, I know and believe that regardless of the current state of the world, Jesus will triumph in the end. (In fact, the title of one of my instrumental music compositions is "Love Will Prevail". And another one of my compositions is entitled "Triumph".)
Even so, I wish that I could play a more active role in helping to bring such a thing to pass.
Maybe you think that my comments about the current state of the church have been unfair, in this blog post. Maybe you're right. I'm open to contrary evidence. In fact, I'd love to see such contrary evidence, especially if it consists of the concrete help I really need in order to make the world a better place.
I invite you, if you profess that you are a committed Christian, and if you are tired of making excuses, and if you would like to see a world in which Christianity is once again an integral part of the solution and not part of the problem, to contact me and pledge your tangible support to ArtisticRescue.com and the Christian Arts Initiative.
Mark Pettigrew
2826 Undine
Bellingham, WA 98226
(360) 318-3703
mwp1212(AT)hotmail.com
